So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
