They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
