I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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