Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
