Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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