listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
