I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
