oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize