There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
