just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
