I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
