i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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