Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So many bounce houses so little time
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
