he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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