...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
