is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
