that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
