I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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