Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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