I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Your penis caused this!
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