I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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