wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
