wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the condom got lost in my hair
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
