what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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