I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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