I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
