I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
