The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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