apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
