Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
