Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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