he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
