Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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