you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
