Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
