definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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