respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
