I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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