woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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