Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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