did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
