you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
