I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
