btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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