I'm jealous of your bromance
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We are two peas in an std pod
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
