Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
