There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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