he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
