her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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