I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
pray to the hookup gods
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
