i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
